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School Tips for Families and Children

Starting school in 2020 is not what we all expected. Many families are having to make big decisions about their children’s future, which is tremendously difficult. Schools are reopening but that doesn’t mean children and families are all comfortable being back in the school buildings. Some families have to send their children to school in order to work or take care of younger children. The reasons for choosing which school option for your child are endless.

With all that being said, we have to consider how this school year will be affecting our children. They may have a very different academic and social experience this year, and this is something that all parents need to be patient with. Some children will remain isolated from their peers, while others will be around peers but in a much different capacity than before. Learning virtually can be a challenge for students, and parents are having to take on a totally new role in their homes.

Bottom line: everyone is doing the best they can given the current circumstances. There is no right path for anyone, as all choices have pros and cons. However, as a parent you have to make this extremely difficult decision in order to protect yourself, your children, and your community. Do what is best for you and do not allow others to judge your choice.

Lastly, take this time to appreciate the ability to spend more time with your children and family. Focus on what you can control in your life and allow this to be enough for now.

Feel free to reach out if you or your child are having difficulties with the new school year beginning. This time naturally brings our worries and angst, especially during a pandemic.

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Uncertainty During a Pandemic

Wow. I don’t think anyone could have predicted that our lives would have changed so much from a few months ago. Our world and community has been hit hard by the Coronavirus and we are still trying to adjust to the many changes brought on by this illness. I know that everyone’s routines have changed drastically, and this is especially true for our young children and adolescents. Many have not been able to see their friends in months, and this can have a huge impact on their social and emotional development. Now more than ever, it is important for parents to help their children understand what is happening around us in a developmentally appropriate way.

Children need to stay active and exposed to their peers in order to maintain their social and emotional development. I have seen so many families engage in creative and safe ways to support their children in these ways, although it is very difficult! The best thing for families to do is to be open and honest with their children, but try to not tell them that everything is going to be OK. Share your concerns and worries with them, because they are most likely having some of the same thoughts. But also provide them with concrete solutions and tools they can use to help cope with these real worries.

Pay special attention to your adolescents who thrive on their social lives. They are experiencing something that is completely out of their norm, and may not know how to cope with the isolation. If you notice any major changes, talk to your teen. Allow them to feel like they can come to you, because they do not have a lot of other physical contact with others right now.

Overall, do what is best for your family. This may look different from family to family, and that is OK. Take steps to protect yourself and your children, and know that you are doing your best. Find some fun ways to spend quality time with each other at home, whether it means cooking together, going on a family bike ride, having movie night, or scheduling time with each of your children individually. Give yourself grace as a parent and know that it is enough for now.

Here to help or listen if you need anything.

-Caitlin

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Parenting Siblings

During the summer, it can be very difficult to keep your children busy and also help them get along. Being around each other tends to lead to more arguments, fighting, tension, and stress for everyone; but there are some easy things you can do as a parent to help your children get along better.

  1. Set ground rules. Fighting is normal among siblings, but it is important to understand the root of the conflict at home. You can manage conflicts by having clear schedules and systems in place. If your kids always fight over where to sit during dinner, have a schedule ahead of time so that everyone gets to sit where they want at least once during the week.
  2. Be specific and age-appropriate. You might use a timer, a written contract or plan, or have a conversation with your child, depending on their age. Most important is that the rules and expectations are specific and clear for each child.
  3. Provide positive reinforcement. Focus on the behaviors you want to see more than the behaviors you do not want to see. Another term is “active ignoring” so that you do not spend a lot of time on arguing or scolding. Some examples of positive reinforcers include more screen time, a high five, a special snack, or a simple comment.
  4. Be open about differences between siblings. Explain to children the difference between “fair” and “equal.” Older children have more freedom and responsibility, which is fair but not equal in the eyes of younger children.
  5. Clear up roles and responsibilities. Older children might be asked to take on additional responsibility around the house, such as helping with younger siblings. But it is important that everyone understands these new roles and the boundaries within them. Additionally, it is important to not put too much responsibility on older teenagers due to additional stress they might be dealing with.
  6. Emphasize silver linings. Siblings can learn a lot from spending more time together, such as conflict resolution, takings turns, and sharing. It is an amazing opportunity for siblings to grow closer, make positive memories, and work together.

For more information, click the link below:

https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-siblings-get-along/

If you would like to learn more about how to encourage positive interactions amongst your children, please reach out. I am happy to collaborate some ideas and activities to use at home!

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Unhelpful Thinking Styles

I often see clients who engage in unhelpful or negative thinking styles. These patterns have become habits over time and is often out of our own awareness. It is important to increase awareness of your thoughts so that you are able to catch these negative patterns and work towards a healthier perspective.

Here are the 10 most common unhelpful things habits:

  1. All or nothing thinking: Sometimes called “black or white thinking.” If it is not perfect, then it is a failure.
  2. Overgeneralizing: Seeing a pattern in a single event. Nothing good ever happens to me.
  3. Mental filter: Only paying attention to certain types of information. Noting our failures but not our successes.
  4. Disqualifying the positive: Discounting the good things that have happened.
  5. Jumping to conclusions: Mind reading or fortune telling.
  6. Magnification and minimization: Blowing things out of proportion or making it seem less important.
  7. Emotional reasoning: Assuming that because we feel a certain way what we think must also be true. I feel embarrassed so I must be an idiot.
  8. Should or must: Using these words can make you feel guilty or that you have made a mistake.
  9. Labeling: Assigning labels to ourselves or other people. I’m a loser, they are such an idiot.
  10. Personalization: Blaming yourself or others for something that wasn’t completely your or their fault.

I would suggest taking an inventory of which of these you find yourself engaging in regularly. This will help you to target what patterns you can challenge to have a more helpful and positive perspective.

I help many teenagers with these thinking patterns because this is when they have likely began to develop. It can take time to break these bad habits but it will lead to a healthier and happier outlook.

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Talking about Race and Racism with Children

It’s never too soon to talk to your child about race and racism in the world.

Parents usually have a good idea about how to teach children about kindness, empathy, and generosity, but race tends to be a harder discussion among families, particularly white families. Often, adults are the ones who make this conversation harder than it has to be because children are very open and talk comfortablyand curiously about what they see and experience. Children start to notice faces as infants, and can begin to see differences in skin color before the age of 1. This is important to know because parents’ own biases and comments begin to influence their children much earlier than many consider.

Here are 5 tips to keep in mind when having conversations about race with your child:

  1. Address your own discomfort with talking about race – especially if you have never experienced it first hand before.
  2. Diversify your child’s books and other media they are exposed to on a daily basis.
  3. Listen to your kids first, and then talk. Redirect when needed, for example identifying a child by their name rather than their skin color.
  4. Explore beyond your community. Attend cultural events and expose children to diverse backgrounds.
  5. Intervent and disrupt the status quo. This can mean attending a protest, volunteering, donating, or simply learning more about your own biases.

For more information, visit: https://www.thebump.com/a/talking-to-kids-about-race?utm_source=bumpnews&utm_medium=email&utm_content=bumpnews_par_20200609_pos02&cm_ven=ExactTarget&cm_cat=TB_BumpNews_Parent_1_20200609&cm_pla=All+Subscribers&cm_ite=pos02+How+to+Talk+to+Your+Young+Kids+About+Race+and+Racism&cm_ainfo=&&&&&

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Is Telecounseling Right for You?

You may be wondering what is Telecounseling or Distance Counseling? Would it help me? This term has become much more popular in recent weeks, but this is not a new way of providing mental health services to individuals. Telecounseling is best described as mental health counseling without the commute. You get all the amazing benefits of working with a licensed mental health provider without having to travel or interrupt your daily routine. I have seen how this method of providing mental health treatment can help reach individuals with busy schedules, who work multiple jobs, have to juggle work and family life, or who do not have access to stable transportation. Telecounseling can reach these individuals who might not otherwise be able to seek treatment. This modality allows for flexibility in scheduling sessions, ease in continuing services during travel, more efficient, and increased comfortability in your own home.

The challenges for telecounseling include technological issues or potential breaches. However, most providers utilize HIPAA compliant software that lowers that risk substantially. In my opinion, the benefits of telecounseling far outweigh the risks. I see this modality being utilized by many more providers in many more industries as we move into a more and more technology based world.

For more information regarding telecounseling, visit https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/millennial-media/201901/13-benefits-teletherapy-therapists or

https://www.goodtherapy.org/for-professionals/software-technology/telehealth/article/confessions-of-a-virtual-therapist-pros-and-cons-of-online-therapy

If you have any questions about telecounseling and if this would be a good fit for you, please reach out!

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Trauma and Children

Our youth is faced with so many barriers and challenges today compared to the past. Children face traumatic situations on a regular basis and the effects of trauma has been shown to have devastating affects on their development. Trauma is defined as a real or perceived threat that is so emotionally painful that they are unable to cope with the event. The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s) study researched 10 common traumatic events and how they impacted the mental, emotional, and physical health of individuals as adults. The results are astounding: higher rates of mental illness, substance use, medical problems, and shorter life expectancy.

Trauma is being screened for earlier in our youth today, and this is the great news. The earlier these signs and symptoms are being pinpointed, the better treatment and support can be provided to that child and their family. Trauma impacts children in many different ways, and this can often be disguised as other problems: medical issues, lack of motivation and focus, behavior difficulties, poor peer relationships, etc. If a child has experienced a traumatic event then counseling could be a great support and outlet to process their thoughts and feelings. Utilizing play therapy and expressive arts is very beneficial for children who are trying to process a traumatic event because it is less threatening.

For more information about the ACE’s study, visit https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/index.html

If your child has experienced something traumatic, please reach out for more information or guidance.

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Family Conflict

All families have faced conflict or adversity, some maybe more extreme than others. Many common challenges that families face include discipline strategies, ways of managing behaviors, effective communication among family members, and appropriate use of technology. Parents may differ in their views in many areas when it comes to raising children, but this does not have to become a barrier to being an effective parent. Children and adolescents need to feel listened to, supported, and accepted by their parents, and this can be achieved in many different ways. One of the easiest forms include simply validating how your child or adolescent is feeling. This does not always mean that you agree with their behaviors or choices, but it helps them to feel supported by you and that they can trust you. As children mature and continue to develop many of the social and emotional skills, you will see how your parenting strategies will also have to change. Children at times need more structure and direction, and other times can be allowed more freedom to explore their world on their own. This is the joy yet challenge with parenting: there is not one right way to be a parent!!

In counseling, I help families work on their ability to effectively communicate their thoughts and feelings with one another, without assigning blame to one member in particular. I find that this is paramount to overcoming most challenges families face, and it is a skill that can be used in any relationship. When families are facing a significant crisis, I hope to provide them with a supportive and safe environment to express their immediate concerns while repairing or rebuilding relationships that my have been damaged among the way.

If you would like more information about how I can help or support your family through a challenge, please reach out!

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Anxiety Among Children and Teenagers

Anxiety is becoming the leading mental health disorder among children and teenagers, starting as young as 8 years old. Children are being exposed to so much more in our society, and this is leading to serious emotional and behavioral consequences at home and at school. Anxiety can present differently in children and teenagers compared to adults.

Children might display these common symptoms:

  • Lack of concentration
  • Racing thoughts
  • Irritability (among teenagers)
  • Restlessness
  • Excessive worry
  • Clingy
  • Easily startled
  • Crying and/or tantrums
  • Poor sleep habits
  • Excessive headaches and/or stomachaches

Anxiety affects the entire person, including physically, psychologically, and emotionally. This makes it extremely important to focus on the entire child when treating anxiety. Treatment for anxiety has been proven through medication, relaxation skills, mindfulness techniques, and traditional talk therapy. Most importantly, the family and parents need to be involved in the process of treatment to offer guidance and support to their child or teenager. 

Many times parents are unsure of how to help their anxious child. Here are some quick tips:

  • Find out what is on their mind that is worrying them
  • Show you care and understand
  • Guide them to possible solutions rather than solving it for them
  • Keep things in perspective – most problems are temporary and solvable
  • Offer reassurance and comfort
  • Role model positive ways of coping with anxiety or worry
  • Seek the advice of a professional (doctor, therapist, etc)

Here is a great article about what to do and what not to do with your anxious child:

https://childmind.org/article/what-to-do-and-not-do-when-children-are-anxious/

If any of this applies to your child, please reach out for more information!

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Depression and Mental Health Counseling

Depression is one of the most common reasons individual seek counseling services. Common signs of depression include:

  • Persistent feeling of sadness
  • Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
  • Trouble focusing or concentrating
  • Sleep difficulties (too little or too much)
  • No energy
  • Isolation 

Just because you experience some of these symptoms does not mean you have a Depressive Disorder; it may just mean you have some symptoms of depression. Not everyone who is depressed experiences the same symptoms with the same severity. The good news is that depression can be treated for most individuals. Sometimes medication, in combination with therapy, can be the best way to treat depression and symptoms of depression. Here are some quick tips to help yourself or a loved one suffering from depression:

  • Be active and exercise
  • Set realistic goals for yourself
  • Spend time with others who you trust
  • Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately 

Depression among children and teenagers may look slightly different than in adults. There may be more irritability and anger rather than sadness; there may be more physical ailments and complaints; more feelings of worthlessness and sensitivity to feedback; and withdrawing from parents.

For more information, please visit: https://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/guide/